The meeting
by mercyn
Summary: "FREEZE, HANDS IN THE AIR OR DIE" Karin yelled. "i take that back, don't move or you'll be riding the wheel of reincarnation early." two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**disclaim time: I. DON'T. BLEACH.**

**so i haven't been able to update lately. test coming up, birthdays, parties blah blah blah blah blah. still I'm updating now. have fun reading ;**

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><p>Ahh, Ichigo's room. It was bigger than normal size, but still a normal room. So how the fuck could a huge screen with cables attaché, Urahara and co. minus the girls, all the important men in soul society and their materialize zapakuto fit in it. Of course, the soutaicho and his vice-captain isn't here….they were looking through the big ass screen. It was a wonder, no it was more than that, it is the eight mystery of Karakura town.<p>

Anyways, the reason why they are here. To deal with the _problem_, like a plague it started out small barely noticeable. Then it spread until it affected everybody, even as far as turning some of their own against them. This problem's name is _Matsumoto Rangiku. _Why they choose this stupid place instead of the Kuchiki mansion, where it's roomy and spacious and nobody's in Toshiro Hitsugaya's personal bubble. This let me tell you is very big. Because a certain orange head ,AKA the _problem, _manage to load Yachiru up with 30 cans of soda, 15 chocolate cake ( wedding size) and about 100 dollars' worth of candy. Then let the hyper devil loose in "byakushi's" house. The mansion was ruined in 6 seconds flat. New personal record if you ask me. Soul Society had never heard a nobler shriek. Anyways the pink thing is now in a sugar induced comatose and the mansion is currently being rebuilt. Hence why they are holding a meeting in the living world. Or more accurately the Substitute's room. Some of the men here wouldn't be caught dead here but since they are dead. That excuse is out. Byakuya was here because it _was his house_ that got destroyed and he wanted insurance money _now._ Toshiro was here because the main subject of this meeting was _his_ fukutaicho. The rest were here cause its fun or they were victims of the _problem._ Mostly victims though.

Ichigo's doing shopping with Rukia and the father was out on some kind of doctor cross country trip. And nobody in the room except for the actual Karakura residents knows of the twins…

"Can you believe it! The woman glued a wig on my head and convinces me it grew overnight. Then she crushed my dreams by having Yachiru eat it off my head. PAINFULLY!" a certain baldy yelled with tears at the corners of his eyes.

"Well, that's not as worse as the time when she spiked my sake and made me acted like a dog for a week. A whole week! And what's more, my precious Nanao-chan keeps asking her for the drug she used." Wailed Shunshui. He was Matsumoto's drinking partner. You know someone's pranks have gone too far when he thinks it bad. Everybody gave him sympathizing looks. And Ukitake comforted him.

"Shut up wimps. Look at my hair! LOOK AT IT" Roared Kenpachi, "bitch put **pink** hair dye in my hair gel. And even had the nerve to write 'like daughter like father' on a note next to it!"

"You shitting me. The damn demoness sent me a suicide letter saying it's from Shuheii and that I could kill him. When I showed up the Shinigami Women Association ambushed me and made me listen to caramelldansen in 51 languages! 51!" Kazeshini complained.

"Hey! That's not suicide that's murder if you killed me" his master yelled.

"No it's not murder. Suicide is when you kill yourself, since I am you, so if I kill you it's suicide." Kazeshini argued. One of those times when zanpakuto wisdom comes through. Even if it was on the correct term of killing people. Meh, beggars can't be choosers.

Everybody started talking and arguing at once. Suddenly having an I'm-suffering-more-than-you-are-suffering competition. Then the cane slammed down. Silence reign as everybody looked to the screen.

"Enough with the swabbing we met here to discuss what to do with the _problem_ not fight about what it did." The old man then open one eye, "Also why are you wearing those ridiculous outfits?"

All of them were wearing standard shinigami men's association uniform. No shirt, black hakamas with some short of bonding around the torso, their kosode placed on their shoulders instead of them wearing it. And of course the mandatory sunglasses. Trust me, seeing Byakuya and Mayuri in these clothing was shocking to say the least. Who knew Mayuri actually had a human body under all those clothes and make up? Together it looks like a meeting of the top gang leaders instead of a meeting to solve the _problem. _

Mayuri was the one to answer" Hnnn, you see soutaicho because we are meeting with the SMA we are technically a member of the SMA therefore we must follow their rules. And unfortunately, the dress code is included in those rules."

"I see" the geezer replied. 'I see' my ass. Riddle of the day everyone: how can the old man "see" if he doesn't open his eyes? Answer: when you find it tell me, cuz I don't know.

*******************S***********************************M**************************************A*************************************

Karin opened the door to her house prepared to dodge or/and hit goat chin if he comes flying at her, then she remembered, her father was away for a week. _Such a pain, why does he have to go. Now I got to find someone else to beat up. Hmm, I'll go to Kisuke's store later then. _She thought. Sighing she stepped in and close the door, setting her soccer bag on the floor she went up to her room that she shared with her sister. They were going to try on the costume and rehearse for a play they were doing in school. Instead of those fairy tales they do every year. This year they were doing a mafia story, she and Yuzu got the lead. She would be playing the top boss, with the gun and tuxedo and all, while Yuzu was the innocent girl they were keeping hostage. The point of the story was for the boss and the hostage to set aside their differences and become friends. The moral kind of ruined the whole show. The only reason why she was even participating was because she gets to fire some guns. Not real guns just pistols that shoot out condensed air. Still, they did damage and a certain red head is playing the boyfriend of the hostage and most importantly: the one she gets to shoot at. _This is gonna be fun_. Karin thought laughing darkly to herself.

Karin entered her room; Yuzu was already in the pure white dress she would be wearing. She was 14 and her caramel hair shone against the dress. She looked like an angel, probably why she was picked for this role. Smiling at her Karin walked to the bed and changed into the costume her twin lay out for her. Looking at the final result in the mirror Karin had to admit she looked badass. Well as badassed as a 14 year old girl could look. With her dark eyes, black hair and also black tuxedo and fedora, Karin looked extremely liked a gang leader, Al Capone style, somebody you don't want to mess with. Which was also probably why she was picked for that role.

"Kyaaa! Karin-chan. You look so cool. The play will be great," Yuzu squealed.

Karin picked up her guns. The ones she'll be using in the show. There were two. One was blood red with a streak of black in it while the other was obsidian black with a streak of red in it. They were beautiful and deadly. And they were hers, built and customized by Urahara, they helped her kill the Hollows that appears surprisingly when she doesn't have a soccer ball. Karin grinned and began saying the lines, from the top.

They were about half way through the play when they heard yelling, dismissing it as the neighbors, they continued. It was the part when the boss realizes he has more in common with the girl than he thought. (Yes, Karin is a boy in this play). It was also when they heard slams and more yelling. Like 30 different people were arguing at the same time yelling. Then silence. Then yelling all over again. And it was all coming from Ichigo's room. Meeting her twin's wide eye stare. Karin motioned to be quiet and follow her. Picking up the guns on her way out, she masked her reiatsu and stood outside Ichi-nii's door. Yuzu was following closely behind holding a spatula in her hands.

_Where did you get that? _Karin's look told Yuzu.

_Not exactly important right now Karin. _Yuzu shrugged. Twins, telepathy, don't you wish you had it.

Then nodding as one. Karin closed her eyes, took a deep breath and burst open the door aiming the guns at some faces in the room. "FREEZE, HANDS IN THE AIR OR DIE!" Okay, a little extreme, but it had the desire effect. Jaws drop, eyes widen and get this, everybody froze.

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><p><strong>whoo. took a hell long time to edit. but it's fun.<strong>** so review review.**

**MERCYN**


	2. Chapter 2

**hey. disclaimer is same as always, I don't own bleach. **

**_This_ has got to be the longest thing I've written. so you better read it. enjoy. :)**

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><p>Karin and Yuzu couldn't believe what she was seeing. About 15 or so people were in the room wearing lame yakuza uniform with another equal number of less human things wearing lame yakuza clothing. With sunglasses included. Not to mention there's a huge screen in the corner displaying to equally shocked face. Two <em>old<em> shocked face. Anyways add all that together and you get around thirty people, ha, her estimation was right. Even without the usual attire Karin can still recognize who they were. The surge of reiatsu gave them away.

"Shinigamis" Karin hissed, eyes narrowing she threatened," I take back what I said. Now don't move, or you'll be riding the reincarnation wheel early."

As they were still imitating gold fishes, Karin looked around the room. _There's a baldy, freak, psycho looking guy, long white haired guy. Kisuke, Jinta, this one's definitely a pervert, why does he have feathers attaché to his eyes? Ooh Zabimaru standing next to a red pineapple and look its Toshiro. Also some teal hair guy, looks like a samurai. Emo, tattooed face, a dog? This one looks more like a devil than shinigami. Wait, wait, what? Brain rewind, TOSHIRO? What the fuck is he doing here? Oh wait, duh, stupid, he's a captain. He's grown a little too. Pretty weird hair style though, like always._

"How do you know of us?" feathers asked stepping forward…only to get shot in the face. Right between the eyes too, that's got too hurt. Crying out he stumbled back. The rest of the room looked on in shock.

"I said don't move, I'll be asking the questions here. What the hell are you doing in Ichigo's room?" Karin repeated.

"You can see and hear us?" tattooed face asked. Pity the boy; he's going to get laughed at if he goes outside with that on his face. He was cautious now, having learned from Yumichika's mistake. That girl was ruthless.

Karin looked at him like he was an idiot "Noooo, I decided to talk to air because I took some crazy pills with my breakfast today, are you stupid or what?" her answer sent Shuheii sobbing straight to the crybaby corner.

"Don't you think you're being a little rude, girly?" it was pervert face who asked this time the one with the pink kosode instead of black.

"Excuse me, _I'm_ being rude. _You're_ the ones in _my_ house, in _my_ brother's room. Eating _my_ brother's snacks," she said looking over to the fat guy. ahem*Omaeda*ahem.

Shunsui looked over to realize that the black haired girl was right. Smacking the 2nd division lieutenant on head, the next thing he knew his hand was stinging. "OOOWWWWW. You shot me!"

"How many times am I going to say it, don't move." Karin reiterate this time with more ice in her voice. The man cringe.

Then the sickly man had an a-ha moment look on his face. "Did you just say that your brother is Ichigo?"

"No I call the strawberries downstairs in the fridge my brother." Karin drawled.

The man looked offended. Others looked thoughtful. Explains why she can see us then.

"Does your companion see us too?"  
>"How long have you been able to see us?"<br>"Have you developed any powers?"  
>"What's the other girl's connection to Ichigo?"<br>"Are you strong? Let's fight little girl!"

They continue to babble and talk; with each passing seconds of being ignored Karin was getting angrier and angrier. What is up with all the questions? She was supposed to be the one to ask them, not the other way around. Sensing her sister's growing fury Yuzu whispered/plead, "Karin-chan, wait a bit. Don't let loose in here. You'll destroy the costume that I worked so hard on and the spiritual pressure will attract tons of Hollows." Then she looked into Karin's eyes and sigh._ There's that light in her eyes, no one can stop her now._

Karin just shrugged off her twin's warning and for the second time that day she closed her eyes. _3, _raising her guns aiming for the targets she remembered in her heads. _2, _she took a deep breath, she also noticed how the room was oblivious to their impeding danger. Makes the next part easier_,_ _1, _opened her eyes. _Fire!_ The room filled with sounds of gun fire. Smoke was in the air, screams echoed "holy shit" then died down. When the smoke cleared it revealed all the men covered in some type of bruising or red marks. Some even had broken noses. Hell, even Kenpachi was hurt, only because the bullet hit a _really_ sensitive, and to him very important, spot on his male anatomy. Courtesy of her guns, the bullets this time were covered with reiatsu making them almost like real bullets. Still, the most terrifying thing in the room was Karin. Her reiatsu was released and it was the color of flames, and hot like one too. They swirled around her. Making her looked like she was inside a fire, without getting burned. Her eyes were a different story though, instead of the hot air surrounding her in her eyes the flames were burning with cold anger. Her outfit though slightly charred and fray, did not help the situation.

"Shut the fuck up. You damn, shitty shinigamis. I will not say this again, what are you doing in my brother's room?" Karin said. Her voice matched her eye. Cold and filled with contained anger.

"uh..umm..ahh...'rehere,pleasedon'tshootme." Renji said really fast, laughing nervously at the end.

"Say it again pineapple, slowly this time so I could actually understand you" Renji didn't have the nerve to argue like he would if someone offended his hair. He was too scared right now.

Zabimaru stepped in seeing that his master was frozen in fear, "He said that we have a problem in soul society and that there's nowhere else to meet but here so that's why we're in Ichigo's room."

This answer seemed to satisfied Karin and she pull back her reiatsu making it under control. The room breathe a collective breath of relief.

"So I take it that Ichigo doesn't know that you're using his room as headquarters." Karin asked lowering her guns and put them in the pockets of her jacket. The fury had bled out of her by now. It was replaced with a smug look, knowing that you scared death-gods shitless really does wonders for your ego.

"Ummm. No." Iba said." I'm the president of the Shinigami's Men Association and may I say that you are the coolest person I've ever met." He proclaimed. Gliding ( yes _gliding)_ up he seized her hand and shook it up and down. Even if you can't see it. By the face he's making, if you take off those glasses his eyes would be glowing with admiration and adoration.

Disgusted, Karin yanked her hand away. Iba's heart cracked.

" Don't touch me you yakuza wanna be weirdo." The man acted way too much like her father just then. Now Iba's heart broke into a million little pieces and he joined Shuheii in the crybaby corner. Sobbing and bitchin' about their sad stories. Fun, eh.

_Ouch. Harsh. She's kind of like a mix of Hitsugaya-taicho and the frankest person on earth. Good thing? Nah._

"Karin-chan, apologize, nobody in this room has done anything wrong." Yuzu reprimanded. The twins stared at each other until Karin lowered her gaze and did what Yuzu told her to do.

"Fine, I'm sorry I yelled at you guys, and shot you and said you were lame and that I scared the shit out of you. Please forgive me." Karin apologizes wearily. Finishing off with a mock curtsy in the direction of the two in the corner.

"Apology accepted." Karin's looked at the screen in surprise, first time the old man had said anything.

"Thank you. And FYI Ichigo's coming home soon. You might want to speed up the meeting." Some of the faces looked panicked. They haven't discussed anything, just argued. That was bad, this is bad, it is **bad**. Catching the freaking out mood in the air and a fine way to make money Karin smiled evilly to herself. _Time to get some cash._

"Unless…" that got the room's undivided attention now"…I can somehow delay Ichigo's arrival time."

"Keep talking, Kurosaki" the old man said.

"Well, I can keep him busy and away from the house for about 2 and a half hours, three tops. That should be enough time for you to do whatever you want. But it ain't gonna be free."

"Name your price. We have a lot of money. ( looks to Byakuya)"

"I want 100 bucks per person in this room" Karin proposed.

"$30"  
>"$90"<br>"$40"  
>"$85"<br>"$45"  
>"$75, take it or leave it, final offer."<p>

Soutaicho considered this. Whether they admitted it or not they needed the girl's help. And she seems more than capable of delaying Ichigo. "Fine." The old man reluctantly said.

Doing a silent inside victory dance, Karin waltzed around the room collecting money from grumbling non-humans, shinigamis and men. Oh my.

"Alright now do your side of the deal" the figure on the screen commanded.

"Kay, kay. Yuzu can you please get my phone?" As her sister left to comply Karin counted her money. Whoa, this was a lot. This'll buy soccer supplies for at least half a year and maybe the platinum, ultimate, super sewing kit for Yuzu too. When her sister returned, Karin thanked her and took the phone, and speed dial Ichi-nii's phone number. She put it on speakers so they wouldn't think she's cheating them. She does have a reputation to uphold, you know. The ring ended and her brother's gruff voice answered.

"What?"

"Hey, Ichi-nii, you might not want to come home for a while, kay?"

"Why?" her brother was suspicious immediately. When Karin doesn't want you to come home. Something seriously bad happened.

"Ohhh, nothing you see, Yuzu invited some friends over and they're currently playing who-can-squeal-the loudest-over-pictures-of-semi-naked-guys. Do you really want to come home to that?" Then she added in a whisper, "they also think you're hot. Trust me, that's not as good a thing as you think."

"Sure. I'll give them an hour before I come home. I'll just walk with Rukia or something. Make sure you tell them one hour okay?" he agreed, still thinking something was fishy. Or maybe that's the river they're walking pass now. It's still fishy.

_Damn it they needed three hours not one. Time to talk to the one wearing the pants. _"Okay. Can I talk to Rukia-nee for a bit?"

"Sure." Ichigo handed the phone over to his midget. _His_ midget let me tell you. He's very possessive of his belongings. Which includes Rukia.

"Hello Karin-chan, what is it."

"I need you to keep Ichi-nii busy for about three hours. I have a whole bunch of shinigami in his room using it as a meeting hall. I don't care what you do just keep him busy." Karin dropped her act immediately.

"WHAT! How am I supposed to stall him for three hours? He'll know something's up."

"He's an idiot, he won't suspect anything. Just keep his mind off of coming home. Maybe drag him Chappy sight-seeing. Kiss him, make out, have sex, spend a night at a love hotel or something. Just don't let him come home." Karin nearly shouted the last three options. Then caught herself, realizing what she just said and who was in the room when she said it. _Oh, shit._

The room was in shock once again. Rukia and _Ichigo _were together and they've already done **it**. Then a surge of reiatsu burst out. It was coming from the guy with long black hair and what look like roof shingles in his hair. Everybody backed up from the noble and Renji was clutching Zabimaru for his dear life. Only he had seen his captain like this before, and he was in the fourth division for months after that.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How did you know about that, Karin? Tell me." Rukia shouted.

"You know, the walls in our house isn't that thick and that time after the party….well I think you know what I'm talking about. And you might not want to elaborate anymore. You're on speaker phone. And the guy who looks more stuck up than Toshiro is spewing murderous aura everywhere."

"My brother is _there_." Rukia hissed. "and you put me on the _speakers_."

"Oh, so _he's_ you're brother. Now I know why you love staying in Ichigo's closet so much. With a brother like that." Wrong thing to say at the moment. The killing intent got so intense Yuzu fainted. Catching her sister, Karin set her down gently on the floor. And smirked, a light bulb just turned on over her head.

"So, Rukia where did you say you were."

"We're by the river. But that's so not the point right now. How dare you put me on speakers and said all those things about me and Ichigo!"

"Hey, it's not as if it isn't true," Then hung up on the sputtering Rukia. Karin walked over to the window and slid it open. Motioning for Byakuya to follow, she pointed out. "River. Three hours. Keep a 5 mile radius from the house. Have fun." She said the last part with a grin. Nodding his thanks, the older Kuchiki sibling shunpoed off. Closing the window she sat down next to Toshiro.

_Mental countdown, 5,4,3,2,1. _

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. THE FUCK BYAKUYA!" You can hear his scream all the way across town. a miracle. Hearing this Karin laughed. Ichigo had the girliest scream ever.

Karin's phone ring.

"Hey Ichi-nii, you dead yet?" Karin said giggling uncontrollably. Fine way to greet your brother.

"KARIN. You fucking traitor, how dare you give that flower sword psycho my location? I'm so gonna kill you when we get back."

"Sure, sure. _If_ you get back. That'll teach you to hide my soccer balls Ichi-nii. Enjoy the game of tag-you're-dead. And to think you had a chance of asking him for his blessings. HAHAHAHA."

"KARIN!" she hung up laughing, pounding her fist into the bed. The rest of the room joined her. Laughter is the most contagious thing after all. When the laughter died down, a voice spoke.

"Kurosaki," the soutaicho said "what gave you the right to send a captain to the substitute shinigami with the only purpose of delaying him?"

Everybody looked to the girl in question who was leaning on Toshiro's shoulder. Apparently still a little weak after laughing her ass off. WAIT, she was _leaning_ on the Ice Prince's shoulder and _nothing_ happen. Most people couldn't even touch him without frostbites. How could she do it then? The girl sat up.

"Well you said to stall Ichigo for three hours you never said how not to. And puh-lease as if you didn't think that was as funny as hell. " Karin shrugged and started chuckling again.

"I guess I didn't say that. I'll let you of this time. But when you enter the court squads, that behavior is not acceptable." Yamamoto said.

"Alright, I'll remember that when I die, thanks for the memo." Karin replied cheekily. "By the way don't you guys have to do something during a meeting? 20 minutes gone by already."

Her words sent a jolt through the room. Since she came they got sucked into her pace and frankly forgot about what they were here for. As they huddle and got to meeting. Karin leaned back on Toshiro's shoulder. Toshiro found he kind of liked having her head there. It smells nice, like vanilla and rain. Weird combination but she made it worked.

"Hey Snowy, how you doing?" Karin asked.

"Don't call me that. I'm fine though." Toshiro answered.

"Mmm, hmm. Want to play soccer?"

"Why would I do that, Karin?"

"Because, all the guys I play with suck. I need a challenge once in a while." He didn't answer."Come on, all you're doing here is listen to geezers talk and argue," she pressed. Still no answer." Or are you afraid you're gonna lose to a girl, little whitey elementary student." That did it. The little captain's cold mask broke. Karin sat up again so he could get into position to yell at her.

"SHUT UP. I'M NOT A LITTLE, WHITEY ELEMENTARY STUDENT! Fine let's play. You're going to regret ever calling me that." Toshiro yelled, attracting the attention of the entire room. In his little seething world he didn't notice the questioning glances of the people in the room. Jumping out the window he headed to the park. A triumphant smirk on her face Karin produced a soccer ball out of nowhere and a soul candy. Shunpo soccer, she was sooo looking forward to this. Popping it in her mouth, she told her body to take her unconscious sister to their room. Then shunpoed after Toshiro, laughing. Strangely she wasn't wearing a shinigami uniform like Ichigo would. Actually she looks exactly the same. This bewildered Mayuri. (and everyone else)

She's in soul form but not wearing standard uniform?  
>Is she a shinigami?<br>Is she like the rest of spiritual aware teens then?  
>What's her connection to Histugaya-taicho?<br>What are they going to do with that black and white ball?

Only after about 5 minutes after that happen did everybody wondered the big question.

_What the fuck just happened?_

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><p><strong>this was really suppose to be a one-shot but it's kind of long so I split it. anyways. love it, hate it, what u think? REVIEW so i know.<strong>

_MERCYN.  
><em>


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